World Sleep Day Special: The Amethyst Anathema

Conclusion: Slip an amethyst under your pillow, wait three days, and like clockwork, your ex will be rocking the ultimate low-maintenance hairstyle—bald.

Why, you ask?

Well, brace yourself for the mind-blowing pseudo-science:

1. The Bewitching Boogie of the Amethyst: Tucking this violet crystal beneath your pillow isn’t just a quirky bedtime ritual—it’s a full-blown cosmic transmission device. As you snooze, it amplifies your deepest, most unresolved feelings about your ex, turning your subconscious into a high-powered radio tower that beams those emotions straight into the universe. Somewhere, somehow, the cosmos takes note—and it’s not happy.

 2. The Ominous “Three-Day Rule”: Ever noticed how “three” is everywhere? Three wishes, three-act plays, three-headed mythical beasts? Turns out, three isn’t just a random number—it’s the key to alchemizing your petty grievances into an unstoppable force of nature. After precisely three nights of marinating in your emotional residue, the amethyst’s power reaches critical mass, brewing a supernatural storm with one target: your ex’s rapidly declining hairline.

 3. The Follicular Fallout: Once the countdown hits zero, it’s showtime. The accumulated cosmic energy zeroes in on your ex’s scalp, delivering a follicular reckoning so swift and merciless that even a wig store can’t save them. Poof! Their hair bids a dramatic farewell, vanishing into the ether like a magician’s rabbit—only this time, there’s no bringing it back.

Of course, unless you moonlight as a wizard, this is all just glorified bedtime folklore. But as we celebrate World Sleep Day, let this be your reminder: forget your ex, embrace a good night’s rest, and maybe invest in a silk pillowcase—for the sake of your own hair, if nothing else.